I was one of those people. You have probably interacted with a good number of these people in the past. They have to yell to get their thoughts across to others. As parents, yelling at their kids when upset was normal. They do not necessarily get angry, the volume of their voice suggest that they are.
I did not notice this pattern until I met my fiancé. He called my attention to it in a nice way. He had met a few of my family members and realized that it wasn’t an isolated thing. We spoke in high volumes. And although it was okay for us as a family, it was not okay to outsiders. So, I started working on my yell, um, volume. It took a good a while to get used to. Because whenever I got excited, or needed to get my point across during a disagreement, the volume goes up. The fiancé was extremely helpful – in the middle of an argument, he would caution “you are yelling again, relax”. It was truly eye-opening for me that I could soften my voice, get my message across in a gentle manner, without yelling.
Here are a few positive things that started happening once I stopped yelling:
1. I stopped interrupting others
2. I started listening more
3. My thoughts were more refined
4. People actually listened to me, and my daughter became calmer in her response to me
5. I was less frustrated about whatever got me upset
Is there a bad habit you’ve cultivated over the years? How do you think this can be resolved without impacting your relationship with others especially your loved ones.